As the curtains are being drawn and the year is nearing its end, I curl up in my blanket, play my favorite music and flip back the pages of this chapter of my life.
The story of getting published for the first time and watching my name on paper back gleaming silently among big reputed names. That pride which pervaded on my mother's face when I stood on the stage with many other talented poets. Ah! It was priceless.
The story of pestering my parents to allow me to live my passion to travel and experiencing some of the most breathtaking moments of my life. My first vacation with a bunch of friends!
The story of wearing a scarred face that wrested my confidence and crushed it to death and then gradually walking on the road of recovery and coming out as an even more beautiful person. I can look into the mirror and feel good about myself, again. And by all means, I have deserved it.
The story of watching a loved one turn into a wisp of memory lingering in our lives and learning that this reality is just as transient as you, me, our smiles and tears are. I learned that you don't have to be old to be strong and wise, you can be as young as nine and be stronger and wiser than all around you. The time when I watched my brother breathe his last breaths with unflinching calmness, I felt my heart pump nothing but sheer dread in my veins. I watched him lie there, fighting with fucking cancer while I curled up in agony within my fragmented sighs because I could do nothing. I was but a helpless soul flapping restlessly to find some solace, just a little scoop of solace to comprehend what was happening around.
I wish that day was a haze to me. I so wish!
This life, it is a big, scary labyrinth. We are but puppets crawling around in spirals which ultimately ends up in the same destination. I was literally surprised to see that people who call themselves my close friends, lurked behind the facade of a busy life or some other make believe crap when I badly needed a shoulder to cry on, when I wanted to kill my daunting fears and give an outlet to my feelings, layer by layer. I never confronted them. Never felt the need to do so!
It's really funny how the aftermath of one big accident can strip off so many beguiling lies which you've been living for long. But then again, isn't it better that those beguiling lies finally stand naked and one can leave them all behind and start afresh? Well, yes, it sure is.
With nth number of ups and downs, this chapter of my life comes to an end. Hope for a less bumpy new year for myself and for you dear reader. I never say this but you are way better than many of these people around because you listen to my woes and musings with utmost patience and stay by my side always.
Thank you for being real to me.
A very happy new year.
Love
Mirage
_____
The story of getting published for the first time and watching my name on paper back gleaming silently among big reputed names. That pride which pervaded on my mother's face when I stood on the stage with many other talented poets. Ah! It was priceless.
The story of pestering my parents to allow me to live my passion to travel and experiencing some of the most breathtaking moments of my life. My first vacation with a bunch of friends!
The story of wearing a scarred face that wrested my confidence and crushed it to death and then gradually walking on the road of recovery and coming out as an even more beautiful person. I can look into the mirror and feel good about myself, again. And by all means, I have deserved it.
The story of watching a loved one turn into a wisp of memory lingering in our lives and learning that this reality is just as transient as you, me, our smiles and tears are. I learned that you don't have to be old to be strong and wise, you can be as young as nine and be stronger and wiser than all around you. The time when I watched my brother breathe his last breaths with unflinching calmness, I felt my heart pump nothing but sheer dread in my veins. I watched him lie there, fighting with fucking cancer while I curled up in agony within my fragmented sighs because I could do nothing. I was but a helpless soul flapping restlessly to find some solace, just a little scoop of solace to comprehend what was happening around.
I wish that day was a haze to me. I so wish!
This life, it is a big, scary labyrinth. We are but puppets crawling around in spirals which ultimately ends up in the same destination. I was literally surprised to see that people who call themselves my close friends, lurked behind the facade of a busy life or some other make believe crap when I badly needed a shoulder to cry on, when I wanted to kill my daunting fears and give an outlet to my feelings, layer by layer. I never confronted them. Never felt the need to do so!
 |
| -Charles Bukowski |
It's really funny how the aftermath of one big accident can strip off so many beguiling lies which you've been living for long. But then again, isn't it better that those beguiling lies finally stand naked and one can leave them all behind and start afresh? Well, yes, it sure is.
With nth number of ups and downs, this chapter of my life comes to an end. Hope for a less bumpy new year for myself and for you dear reader. I never say this but you are way better than many of these people around because you listen to my woes and musings with utmost patience and stay by my side always.
Thank you for being real to me.
A very happy new year.
Love
Mirage
_____
Wish you happy new year... A very emotional fairwell, but still hopefull welcome to 2014... Hope the scars shall heal..
ReplyDeleteA happy new year to you too Pratikshya!
DeleteSometimes the only thing to do is stand by and watch as life happens. It sucks, it's disheartening, but we keep moving forward in a world where only the strong survive....and eventually they perish too.
ReplyDeleteDamn, let's just make the most of each moment, you feel me?
Yes, it is the only wise thing to do.
Deletei just want you to know, i read and i feel you on this. there's little that opens the eyes more than a death, watching as the people around you fade into the background. it sucks. i don't think that will ever get any easier.
ReplyDeleteExactly, it never does. We just get accustomed to the reality, that's it.
DeleteWishing a great 2014 for you :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you. Wish the same for you Amrit.
DeleteWish you a beautiful year ahead, Mirage. We all deserve the good times.
ReplyDeleteYou are one of my favorites :)
That is really sweet of you Anisha. Thanks!
DeleteHmm....this year was too bumpy it seems...but it taught you lessons that made you a stronger and a better person. Proud of you. And yes your readers love you :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Red. I feel proud of myself too and especially of my cousin's family who have suffered the most. I have learnt a lot from them, from his brave little daughters and wife. They are the real life heroes, I've ever met.
DeleteHope you will overcome the grief and the New Year helps in healing the wounds and brings more happiness, Vinati!
ReplyDeleteThank you Rahul sir for your consistent support.
DeleteI can so echo every written word here. I love you my darling and I'm very proud of everything you achieved :)
ReplyDeleteHappy new year and may the next year ace this one.
That means so much to me. Really!
DeleteBrilliant post! Wish you a beautiful year ahead, girl!
ReplyDeletehey vinati :) happy new yr too :) i just accidentally open ur blog today.. read some of ur other posts.. n its so picturesque and overwhelming.. i was unaware of the excruciating pain that u have gone through.. Hats off to ur spirit of living !! fears surrounds us more often, but its us who have to decide to get crippled by pains, or face them right in their face and stand out in life. Keep believing, keep dreaming.. its a beginning of beautiful yr.. embrace it with happiness . hav a blessed yr ahead :)
ReplyDelete(n my one of fear till today is correct English writing .. so pls ignore :P :P )
our life have gone different ways..but I will b always there for u :) in coding terms.. strength++
miss ya :* luv u :*
Pramiti!!! Wow...it was a pleasant surprise to see your comment. I'm soooo touched..thank you for your support dost.
DeleteI love you too! Aur wo silly sa technical joke marne ki zarurat nahi thi waise.. gosh! xD
Super tight wala hug to you too!
ReplyDeleteVinatiiiii! You are an awesome and brave person. Sorry I had missed so much on your blog. To me, you were one lovely blogger who likes to write. However, this has opened up a new part of you and it makes me think that you are beautiful. You are a beautiful person because you know pain, you have seen sufferings and so YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. I never knew you were going through a tough time, I would have given you my shoulder to cry on. And you know its always good to know about the truth of people! 2013 wasn't that good for me but anyway I am grateful. and OMGGGGGG YOU ARE HAVING YOUR STORY PUBLISHED? TELL ME MORE! TELL US MORE ABOUT IT. :D
ReplyDeleteYour sounds so familiar! I thought i was the only person suffering 2013 has indeed changed a lot for me too! I lost my mother and actually saw her slipping away drifting away from life infront my eyes it was all so horrific but when u see people who have experienced d same pain u kinda connect with them!!
ReplyDeleteYou seriously r a strong and brave person:-)
I feel too small to say anything to you..
ReplyDelete